Tobacco Control Addicts

Last week tobacco control addicts had their own Woodstock, #WCTOH2018 in Cape Town, SA. We're talking about a large group of around 2000+ people, heavily addicted to being flown and accommodated for free and even paid for playing with their ppt presentations. There's a nearby beach to wash off all the mutual asskissing and  get ready for the next round of mutual brainwashing. 

Although tobacco control addiction is a serious disease, its symptoms can be a real fun. Hence the top list below.

Tobacco Control Woodstock2018 - Top Ten  

10 Boldly facing their own demons

That's from one of them, and I couldn't have put it better. 

Finally someone mustered up the courage to say this. There are people grappling with tobacco control addiction for decades! The hell of tobacco control has taken many a good man and woman. And now they have TobaccoFreeKids org and CDC and VitalStrategies org and all these other orgies all around.   And nobody does anything about it!

It was about time someone said loud and clear - stop the madness!  Wait, nobody said that. I just got a bit carried away.

9 A rose by any other name...

WCTOH stands for World Conference on Tobacco or Health. Native speakers of English like Carl V. Phillips of Daily Vaper have already covered the linguistic crime committed by whoever came up with this craponym, but let me take a stab here.

Upon hearing it, I had a curious mental picture of two conferences at one venue - one on Tobacco and one on Health, separated only by a curtain, with speakers trying to outshout each other.   

 Now they all wowed to have a smoke-free world in the near future, I'd like to suggest the name for the next occasion: World Conference on NoTobacco or Else.

8 Sin Tax - hell, yeah!
   Syntax - hell, no!

Its own conference name wasn't the only funny English that tobacco control Woodstock accommodated. Not that I am a particular Grammar Sturmbahnführer, but if your slides are going to be displayed in cinema screen size, get someone to proofread them. Doesn't Bloomberg have a shit megaton of college educated footsoldiers in his US puppetariums, some even flown in for the occasion by Moron Express 747 working overtime?

7 Only 7th, but personal fav 

Because I had absolutely nothing to do here. This one wrote itself.

Mike Bloomberg buys world conferences and his puppets run around the world - Indonesia 2016, India, 2017. Indonesia just banned vaping, India is about to. Not to mention Uganda and other countries where his money had already worked its magic. Then Woodstock2018 hires one real puppeteer. I mean, the one that works with real (not figurative) puppets. 

Enjoy the picture: Grand Puppet Master, mentoring

6 She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah...right

The great words of drTedros, the Big WHO-Kahuna, are quoted here by one of numerous Directors from one of those orgies whose real mission and vision is to keep occupying expensive NY location  while spending Bloomberg's and taxpayers' money on their tobacco control addiction and a few other pet projects in the parts of the world too powerless to send them back with a hefty asskick.

Now, can you imagine a helpful approach to smokers from these fine souls? With a love like that, you know you should be glad. 

5 What's he doing here? Help!!!

Those pesky vapers have even peskier advocates. This one was a particular pain in my well-funded a$$. 

The day promised a perfect tobacco control experience, the sun was shining, the beach was beckoning. I had my fancy presentation going on and was displaying my beautiful slides for everyone to admire, while doing the supporting blahblah, when suddenly this ... agent provocateur... this ...human fog machine supporter... had the audacity to stand up and ask me about the unintended consequences.

I was all like wtf, why are you grilling me? They are unintended for crying out loud! I didn't intend them, capisce? I didn't even think of them! Did you really expect me to think while preparing for my presentation? 

4  What about our other rights?

My looks are incompatible with my human right to look like Sela Ward. 

Also my finances are incompatible with my human right to have as much money as Mike Bloomberg.

Much of the content I stumble upon is incompatible with my human right to live in the world free from stupidity.

I need a world conference on all this and I can't afford it. Where are  all the orgies now to fight for my rights? 

3 Ministry of Truth

Yeah, it makes perfect sense. You raise cigarette price to high heavens and surely there is  nobody thinking "Great, me and buddies can organize and offer this underground for cheaper and make a shitload of money". 

And there is absolutely nobody who does it. And even if they do, no one would ever buy what they're selling. 

2  The proof is in the pudding they never tasted

No matter what the conclusion 16-2 says.  

However here is strong evidence that these orgs are making their conclusions with fingers deep in both ears and blindfold tightly around their eyes. Here they interviewed the population they profoundly don't understand (I bet the kids were f-ing with the answers) on the use of devices they are clueless about.

After vaping, cigarettes taste like crap even to most former smokers. Why would someone go from vaping to smoking he was never addicted to, when he can be stimulated by all that nicotine in all kinds of strenghts and flavour varieties? 

If someone sent me to the premises of an aerospace project with a questionnaire and then let me analyze the results, it would probably have the same quality level as this.

1 Ignorance is strength

Let's clean our communication from any science, because if we don't - they are going to win. Let's focus on 

  • bullshiting 
  • making our bullshit bulletproof 
  • developing the most effective channels for bullshiting
  • empowering our activists and perfecting their bullshitting skills 
  • making more ppt presentations emphasizing the significance that bullshiting had, is having and will have in our overall efforts
  • organize the next conference where we'll bullshit even more and much better

Thanks to @Clive_Bates @Vapingit  @carlvphillips @Dick_Puddlecote @GregTHR @KuntzB @stuart180  @skrymir42  for the tweets I used here, and I apologize if I missed to mention someone. My biggest thanks go to @MikeBloomberg of course. Without him this all wouldn't be possible.

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Written by Ljubica, @Switchtoecig, ex teacher, translator, passionate reader, ex smoker and now vaper, e-cig reviewer and vaping advocate.

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