Chef Stan's Cookbook
Chef Stan is my hero. What he can do with two smokers, three
vapers or four papers – no one will ever be able to. He's been cooking for decades now, and we
can all draw from his huge experience. Not nearly as much as he's drawn from funds and grants, but hey.
Luckily, he's still here to stay and enrich our lives with an ever growing body of wonderful recipes all over the Internet. Still, it's kind of scattered and it would be nice to have everything in one place.
However, to summarize the work of one, only and the greatest among them all seems impossibly difficult. Therefore here's just a little glimpse, a tiny cross section of his recipes.
Chef Stan's Simple Study
54 have tried to make it | 15 succeeded | 30 have
- one little BigPharma or BigGovernment grant, just in case
- 50-100 pages of previous study starter obtained from naive students
- big kosher poster done by the same students
of faux medical PhD
cups of tobacco control reputation
- University clout
- one 10-inch pointer (handy for ppt presentations)
- Get the starter study from students.
Add your faux medical PhD and
don't forget your tobacco control reputation.
- Mix until
ingredients are well blended into a very, very sticky mass.
- Cover with your
University clout, let rest for half
a day at 70 to 75 degrees F or whatever the weather in California is.
- With wet palms and open mouth, gaze at the
cleavage of your new assistant for 3 or
4 minutes. Let your dirty imagination ferment for 2 more hours.
- In the meantime, fondle your beard (see Chef
Stan's Notes for beard fondling).
- Let the naive students arrange their poster with
your name on it in the hall.
- Let them
also scrape the content out into a fancy ppt presentation for you.
- You can use your pointer to look more
professional while presenting.
- Store your ppt anywhere on the Internet for
Making your own proper study from the existing starter does take a while, but the amount of your actual work is minimal and the study you'll get is spectacular!
Chef Stan's Classic Helena Miracle
Category: moderately difficult
photo courtesy of @jkelovuori
839 have tried to make it | 0 succeeded | 752 have questions
- a big BigPharma or BigGov grant (it's a huge miracle)
- a map (to look for sparsely populated places with fresh smoking
- your faux medical PhD
- a couple of assistants
- a few of local willing participants, partly done
- some people with heart attacks
- some tobacco-control reputation
- University clout (but you can do without it, since you're going to the middle of nowhere)
- Find a sparcely populated place with a couple of heart
attacks followed by the smoking ban, and your job is basically done.
- Still, go there just like a real researcher would do and take a
couple of assistants with you.
- Wave your faux
medical PhD once or twice in front of the podunk noses. Do the same with your tobacco control reputation if needed.
- Find willing participants partly done and let
them help you in hunting down those folks with heart attacks.
- Go back after the ban is lifted (if absolutely necessary. Basically, you can skip this step altogether and do some remote cooking instead).
- Tell assistants to make notes. Tell
them to include number 60 and "%". Allow them to play with 40 and "%" too.
- That's it. Serve it to the world tobacco control community to
enjoy and share for decades to come.
Classic Helena Miracle is still the world's favourite. It has influenced many local and national tobacco control cuisines. Some sceptics say it
has too many empty calories. Some say there's nothing to eat there. Still, heart
wants what the heart wants.
From our interactive reviews:
A: WHO loves it.
A: I said it already, WHO!
B: I don't know who.
A: OK! Everybody loves it. But WHO loves it, too.
Chef Stan's Study of Vaping without Vapers (kind of Vegan)
Simon has tried to
make it | Simon couldn't make it | Simon has questions
- huge Big Pharma or BigGovernment grant (we have many people here)
- some vapers
- some smokers who want to quit
- some smokers who tried to quit
with vaping but couldn't
- faux medical PhD
- couple of assistants (with and
- Call vapers. Tell them not to come.
- Call the other two groups. Tell them they can quit now.
- Then make notes. Tell the assistants to make notes, too.
Compare all your notes. That's for BigPharma to see you're doing some work here.
- Don't forget to spice it all up with some tasty cleavage gazing.
- Tell a few delicious sexy stories to the cleavage owners. Make them
blush. After they've been properly done i.e. entirely embarassed, go back to
- Publish your findings that vaping is a shit on a stick.
- Call Simon Chapman. Let him admire your study. #Louder
Now, to have a vaping study without vapers, you really need
to be an experienced chef. Don't even try this if you don't have at least half
of Chef Stan's cooking experience.
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Written by Ljubica, @Switchtoecig, ex teacher, translator, passionate reader, ex smoker and now vaper, e-cig reviewer and vaping advocate.