Chef Stan's Cookbook

Chef Stan is my hero. What he can do with two smokers, three vapers or four papers – no one will ever be able to. He's been cooking for decades now, and we can all draw from his huge experience. Not nearly as much as he's drawn from funds and grants, but hey.

   photo courtesy of @jkelovuori 

Luckily, he's still here to stay and enrich our lives  with an ever growing body of wonderful recipes all over the Internet. Still, it's kind of scattered and it would be nice to have everything in one place.

However, to summarize the work of one, only and the greatest among them all seems impossibly difficult. Therefore here's just a little glimpse, a tiny cross section of his recipes. 

 
  Chef Stan's Simple Study 

Category: easy

54 have tried to make it  |  15 succeeded | 30 have questions

Ingredients

  • one little BigPharma or BigGovernment grant, just in case
  • 50-100 pages of previous study starter obtained from naive students
  • big kosher poster done by the same students
  • pound of faux medical PhD 
  • two cups of tobacco control reputation
  • University clout
  • one 10-inch pointer (handy for ppt presentations)

Directions

  • Get the starter study from students. Add your faux medical PhD  and don't forget your tobacco control reputation. 
  • Mix until ingredients are well blended into a very, very sticky mass.  
  • Cover with your University clout, let rest  for half a day at 70 to 75 degrees F or whatever the weather in California is. 
  • With wet palms and open mouth, gaze at the cleavage of your new assistant  for 3 or 4 minutes. Let your dirty imagination ferment for 2 more hours.
  • In the meantime, fondle your beard (see Chef Stan's Notes for beard fondling).
  • Let the naive students arrange their poster with your name on it in the hall.
  •  Let them also scrape the content out into a fancy ppt presentation for you.
  • You can use your pointer to look more professional while presenting.
  • Store your ppt anywhere on the Internet for further use. 

Making your own proper study from the existing starter does take a while, but the amount of your actual work is minimal and the study you'll get is spectacular! 


  Chef Stan's Classic Helena Miracle

Category: moderately difficult

photo courtesy of @jkelovuori 

839 have tried to make it  |  0 succeeded  |  752 have questions

Ingredients

  • a big BigPharma or BigGov grant (it's a huge miracle)
  • a map (to look for sparsely populated places with fresh smoking ban)
  • your faux medical PhD
  • a couple of assistants
  • a few of local willing participants, partly done
  • some people with heart attacks
  • some tobacco-control reputation
  • University clout (but you can do without it, since you're going to the middle of nowhere)

Directions

  • Find a sparcely populated place with a couple of heart attacks followed by the smoking ban, and your job is basically done.
  • Still, go there just like a real researcher would do and take a couple of assistants with you.  
  • Wave your faux medical PhD once or twice in front of the podunk noses. Do the same with your tobacco control reputation if needed.
  • Find willing participants partly done and let them help you in hunting down those folks with heart attacks.
  • Go back after the ban is lifted (if absolutely necessary. Basically, you can skip this step altogether and do some remote cooking instead).
  • Tell assistants to make notes. Tell them to include number 60 and "%". Allow them to play with 40 and "%" too.
  • That's it. Serve it to the world tobacco control community to enjoy and share for decades to come.  

Classic Helena Miracle is still the world's favourite. It has influenced many local and national  tobacco control cuisines. Some sceptics say it has too many empty calories. Some say there's nothing to eat there. Still, heart wants what the heart wants.

From our interactive reviews:

A: WHO loves it.

B: Who?.

A: I said it already,  WHO!

B: I don't know who.

A: OK! Everybody loves it. But WHO loves it, too.  


  Chef Stan's Study of Vaping without Vapers (kind of Vegan)

Category: difficult

Simon has tried to make it  |  Simon couldn't make it  | Simon has questions

Ingredients

  • huge Big Pharma or BigGovernment grant (we have many people here)
  • some vapers
  • some smokers who want to quit
  • some smokers who tried to quit with vaping but couldn't
  • faux medical PhD
  • couple of assistants (with and without cleavages)


Directions

  • Call vapers. Tell them not to come.
  • Call the other two groups. Tell them they can quit now.
  • Then make notes. Tell the assistants to make notes, too. Compare all your notes. That's for BigPharma to see you're doing some work here.
  • Don't forget to spice it all up with some tasty cleavage gazing.
  • Tell a few delicious sexy stories to the cleavage owners. Make them blush. After they've been properly done i.e. entirely embarassed, go back to work.
  • Publish your findings that vaping is a shit on a stick.
  • Call Simon Chapman. Let him admire your study. #Louder

Now, to have a vaping study without vapers, you really need to be an experienced chef. Don't even try this if you don't have at least half of Chef Stan's cooking experience.

Bulk Eliquid

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Written by Ljubica, @Switchtoecig, ex teacher, translator, passionate reader, ex smoker and now vaper, e-cig reviewer and vaping advocate.

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