However, the spring came and with it my firm decision to do something. By that summer I lost 20 pounds, things went back to my then normal, I got a better but extremely demanding job.
The year 2006 came with me still not smoking, but working around the clock. This was a very challenging period, but I made it. Then why did I come back to cigarettes in November 2006? I really don't know, everything had been over by then – I was making good money, had learned the ropes of my new job, although I was having this constant feeling of being a bit slow to grasp things . Quite possible that the absence of nicotine didn't make me more intelligent.
That evening I was in the company of my new colleagues at one of those team building dinners. Some of them were smoking and I simply joined.
Each time I would take a cigarette after long time of abstinence it tasted yuck and I was sure I was not going to relapse ever, only to find myself back to my usual PAD in a day or two.
When I look back now – it seems as if cigarettes had always been there in my subconscious, lurking, waiting for any convenient moment to jump me. It doesn't really matter if that particular moment was happy or sad.
So, my experience tells me it is not only a matter of decreased dopamine levels occurring during nicotine abstinence (one of scientific magazines' favorite culprits for relapsing to cigarette. And then, it goes on and on about how it would be enough to introduce dopamine therapy for nicotine abstinents and voila! - problem solved. Yeah right, if it were so simple, wouldn't they have solved it by now...)
Anything would do to get me back to tobacco. And I think my gloomiest phase, back in 2005, was more a matter of nicotine crisis attack than anything else that was going on in my life then. I had been through worse situations years before, and later I returned to cigarettes in one of my happiest periods ever.
Simply put, there are no logical rules as to when this relapse may occur. It can happen anytime. I put some effort, I spent some money and this in-vain circle would have continued had I not discovered her Royal Kindness – electronic cigarette.
My husband brought it home one day. I took it and made it mine from the first draw. He had to buy another for himself. It was the end of my tobacco story. I just don't crave it anymore. It doesn't taste good anymore, it smells bad, I can smell it on other people. My house is a lot cleaner now.